To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
