I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
