I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
