Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
