Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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