I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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