Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
