I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
