i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
