you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
