Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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