if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
