Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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