yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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