Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I bet he comes in French.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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