I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
