Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
