I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
