I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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