After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
