The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
