I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
