I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
