Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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