I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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