How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got inside last night via doggy door
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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