My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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