don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
