Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
