census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize