i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
