evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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