I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.