I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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