i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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