i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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