i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
