I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
