ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
