Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Mom said you looked used
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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