is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
