i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
