Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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