At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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