you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
