Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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