this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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