I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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