Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
