No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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