I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
