I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
