her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize