either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
