I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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