You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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