Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
