Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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