Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
