I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
