So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
