Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We're too hungover to prance.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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