That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize