turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize