Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
