i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
