You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
