I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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