If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
