dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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