dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
