Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Who died my cat blue again?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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