Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
