My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Those nachos came to me in a dream
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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