Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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