Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
