Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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