yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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