I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
