I didn't shave. On purpose
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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