And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
