I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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