It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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