I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
