ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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